A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
