OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A bitchslap is in order.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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