1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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