fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
