The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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