My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
