How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
