i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
