peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
