oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
