I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
