I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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