So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
