just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
