i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
