god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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