Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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