So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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