like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
