There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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