Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
