She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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