i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
