Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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