dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
