When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
