Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
