Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
