piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
