): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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