It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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