Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I need water and some morals
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
