he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
