i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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