Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
