That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
