why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
