Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
