Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
