You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
