Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
