I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
