census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
