Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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