Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this will be a night to untag.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
