the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm like, not good at living.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
