just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
