Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
