My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
