I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
