it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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